Let’s write about music. With the forthcoming trip across the globe to my home country of the Un-United States of England I am super ecstatic to be picking up a guitar and entering a swearathon all in the name of rock n roll.
So I wanted to press a new record but I simply haven’t had the time, life is all about priorities, and mine are all fucked up. Well not exactly, but you know how this stuff is, I think that always having ideas for new games and things to create just gets a bit tiring after a while, because it’s an eternity of frustration. You want to do a million things, but you will be dead long before you can do even 2% of them. So balancing life becomes tricky, which is why playing music again is so damned exciting.
When I was in the UK, I could not imagine a week or two going by without playing some very loud music and screaming my lungs out, these days years can go by. It’s like something that defined who I am, or something I thought defined who I was has been pushed aside and forgotten! It’s partially because there is no place in Singapore where I think I could stand on stage and swear at everyone without getting told to stop within minutes, but it’s probably mainly because work has taken over.
Anyway, excitement aside, I think this happens with a lot of things! Take relationships, if you are so obsessed with making games that it takes over your conscious and subconscious mind, it can be hard to really exist in the moment.
I know there are many people like me, who always think they will find the time to relax and live a normal life after milestone X is reached….thing is I know that after milestone X, milestone XX will appear, I have almost stopped lying to myself now about it, and I just accept that one day I need to find a balance, and eventually I need to stop putting that off until next year.
So yeah, I think most of my life is accelerating, and I can’t decide if I need to focus more on having fun, or making games, whichever way I go, I will regret not doing the other. I used to only have long term relationships, and as I accelerate in to the selfish tunnel of videogame obsession, my relationships seem to get shorter with it. I could go in to the depths of personal life things here, but suffice to say it’s a constant struggle, and it’s probably harder for the people I am with than it is for me. I wrote a song about it a while ago, and have finally decided to upload it.